How to host a pub quiz

Almost everything that goes wrong on a quiz night was decided in the days before it. The night itself is mostly execution.

Pick your questions and read them end to end. Not skim. Read them as the room will hear them. You are looking for the question that was true when it was written and is not any more, the three questions in a row about football, and the one that is going to cause an argument you do not want to have in front of forty people.

Decide the running order and write it down. Which round opens, which round is hardest, which round closes. Doing this in advance is the difference between a night with a shape and a night that is just questions happening in sequence.

Sort the prize. Not on the day: people ask what they are playing for before they commit to playing, and "we'll see" is not an answer that fills tables.

Put it somewhere people will see it. A chalkboard by the door and one post in the local group is enough once the night is established; before it is, you need more than that.

Get there earlier than you think. An hour is not excessive for the first few, and half an hour is the floor once you know what you are doing.

Set the room up first, because it is the thing you cannot do once people are in it. Tables where the teams will sit, whatever they need on them, and a clear line of sight to wherever the questions are going to appear.

Test the things that broadcast the quiz, the screen, the microphone and the connection, with the room empty and again once six people are in it. A connection that works at six o'clock does not always work at eight, and finding that out at eight is the worst version of the evening.

Have the questions somewhere you can see them without squinting, and have a backup. A printed copy of the running order in your pocket has saved more quiz nights than any piece of equipment.

A two-hour quiz night has a shape, and the shape is more important than any individual round. This is the one that works in most rooms.

A round dies. Half the room gets two out of ten and you can feel it. Do not pretend it did not happen. Say "that was a brutal round, sorry about that" and move straight into something easier. Acknowledging it costs you nothing and buys the room back.

Somebody disputes an answer. Rule quickly and say why. If they are right, say so immediately and give the points to everyone affected, not just the table that complained. If they are wrong, explain the reasoning in one sentence and move on. Do not negotiate.

Two teams tie. Have decided beforehand how you break it. A single tie-break question is the cleanest answer and it is more fun than counting back through rounds.

A team turns up an hour late. Let them play from where you are. They will not win, and they will buy drinks.

Somebody is on their phone. Almost always innocent, and calling it out from the front makes an enemy for no reason. Walk over between rounds and say something quiet.

The end of a quiz night decides whether people come to the next one, and it is the part most hosts rush because they are tired.

Read the results from the bottom up, and name every single team. A table that came ninth out of eleven still wants to hear the name they spent five minutes inventing read out to a room. It takes ninety seconds and it is the cheapest goodwill available.

Give the wooden spoon out properly, since it should be a moment rather than an afterthought. Then the winners, then the prize, then thank everybody for coming.

Finally, say when the next one is. Say it clearly, and say it before people start putting coats on. A quiz night is a habit, and habits are built by telling people when to come back.

Do not rewrite everything. Change one thing a week and see what happens, because changing five things teaches you nothing about which of them mattered.

The things worth watching: how many tables played, whether the same teams came back, which round the room enjoyed most, and whether anybody left at the break. That last one is the strongest signal there is, and it usually means the first half was too long or too hard.